EP 18 Bella Luna - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Life®

Bella Luna joins me on this episode of A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Life® to talk about how burnout and overwhelm led her to a synchronistic project, re-location, and fresh business tools!

Bella Luna is a Spiritual Life Coach, Mystic, transformational facilitator, RADICAL self-love advocate, and international best selling author.  She supports  soulful women with wild hearts and big dreams to calm their inner critic and overcome self-doubt so they can step into their full potential and become who they were always destined to be. Through tangible tools and intuitive insights, Bella can help you to fall in love with yourself and your life.


Connect with Bella here...

Website:  https://www.bella-luna.org
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/BellaLunaCoaching
YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQ_SW2_g7CzzefHsmfensSQ
Pinterest:  https://www.pinterest.com/BellaLunaCoaching
Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/bellalunamystic
Linkedin:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/bella-luna/

Welcome to a funny thing happened on the way to my life. This is the place to be for stories to inspire and uplift when life doesn’t go according to plans. I’m Laura Muirhead your host and the reigning queen of a funny thing happened on the way to my life. I can’t wait to share my plot twist stories and the stories of my guests with you!

Find out more at lauramuirhead.com

For more information on Laura Muirhead visit...

lauramuirhead.com

Facebook
Instagram

LinkedIn
YouTube

Thanks for listening!

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Hello and welcome to this episode of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Life. I'm your host, Laura Muirhead, and I am so happy to welcome today as my guest, Bella Luna. Hi, Bella. Come and introduce yourself and tell us where in the world you are and what you do.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Hi, everyone. So my name is Bella Luna. I'm currently in London, UK. I've just moved back here from Thailand about three weeks ago before recording this episode. And so I am a spiritual life coach, a self-love advocate. I do many other things. And my most recent thing that I've started doing is I've become a domestic violence mentor. So I also do like soul pan readings and chakra dancing and mindful meditation and you know, just all sorts of bits and bobs. But I'm real just, you know, I'm just a down-to-earth witchy wild woman at heart. And um yeah, I'm really excited to be here on this uh on this podcast today. Oh, thanks so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

I love, I love what you do. Um, and we do just for our listeners, we do know each other a little bit uh because of social media and some different groups that we've been in. So I know a bit about your story. Um, we are also co-authors of the book uh Entangled No More, which is coming out next week. Um, but yeah, we I've been following your journey a bit, but I haven't gotten to hear all the details. Um so tell, let's talk about what you what your a funny thing happened on the way to my life story is that you'd like to share today.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

So I guess there's sort of two parts that the uh make up this story. The beginning part and then the end part are sort of the two sort of funny things, I think. Um but it all starts with on a very serious note of um uh being in an abusive relationship. So that's where the sort of beginning of my of my journey starts off. And this is back in around 20 uh 20, 2008 to 2010. Um, and then once um, once I, you know, sort of broke free of this uh relationship, it was the really the journey that unfolded from that trauma, from that um, you know, that experience that happened to me that led me on a real journey of self-discovery, exploration. I mean, up until this point, I really had never thought about who am I, what am I doing, what's my purpose. Like I'd never really thought about those sort of bigger existential questions before, not much more than, you know, after having read Harry Potter and things like that, and you know, wishing, wishing that, you know, maybe someone would come along and say, hey, you're a witch fella. Here's your here's your uh, you know, invitation to Hogwarts. Um so I was asking myself all these questions, you know, like who am I now that I don't have someone telling me who to be, what to do, what to wear, what to say, where to go, and all of those sorts of sorts of things. So it was this real journey of intense self-discovery, exploration, figuring things out, learning who I was. And then in that process of learning who I was, I really, it was impossible to then not accept who I was, right? So once you're faced with this is who I am, there's no, there's no hiding from it anymore. There's no pretending, oh well, maybe I could be this person. It's like, well, no, you figured out who you are, this is who you are. You you just have to accept it. And then that level of self-acceptance is really what led me on to loving myself, you know, and the journey of self-love that that has brought me to where I am today. Um, so after I, you know, I did some traveling, I went to uni, I did went traveling, I had jobs, this, that, and the other, you know, all those little mini lives you have within within this one big life. And um that led me to really wanting to become uh, you know, a spiritual life coach. I really wanted to help people, I really wanted to give back, I really wanted to give back some of the lessons that I'd learned myself and give these gifts back to to the world and to her whoever, you know, could benefit from them and need them. And after being in my business for a couple of years, I was just feeling a little, a little unsatisfied. And I was like, I don't really feel like I'm doing as much as I could. So I I asked the universe, I sat there and I said to the universe, right, you know, I think it was probably not too long after being into Joanna Hunter's world, which is how Laura and I know each other. Um, and you know, I was thinking about my clients, my client journey. What do they really need? Not what do I want to give them, but what do they really need? What's the juicy stuff that they need? And the universe was like, they need self-love. That's the beginning of their journey. And I was like, no, I don't want to do it. It's like, I was like categorically like, nope, not interested. Don't want to talk about self-love, I don't want to teach that. That's lame, that's boring. Give me another answer. And the universe was like, no, sorry, that's the only answer you've got. You asked for it, you asked the question, you got the answer. And I was like, okay, fine. So normally when I receive a an you know, an answer this sort of strongly, I do, I do take notice and I do sit with it. So even though my reaction was a no and I was in resistance, I was like, okay, well, we'll sit with this for a bit. So I sat with it, and it really wasn't long before I was like, oh, okay, this, yeah, this feels good. This feels real good. So, and then suddenly it was in that moment that I sort of realized just how integral self-love had been on my journey towards um, you know, sort of recovery, healing, growth. Uh, I've had a lot of mental health problems even before the abusive relationship. And you can imagine that relationship only just exacerbated them. So, and self-love was really the key to to my to my healing journey and becoming, you know, the sort of the person I am, I am today. And I'm pretty, I'm pretty happy with the person I am today, you know. So, so I'm kind of glad for some of those experiences. And um, yeah, that's sort of what led me to to create the self-love aspect in my business, which is now what I mostly focus on. Um and then I was living in Thailand. I've been living in Thail in between Thailand and the UK on and off for sort of six, seven years. So I spend a bit of time there, a bit of time here, depending on you know what my what my needs are, where I where I want to be and what what's calling me. And I was out in Thailand and I saw um another mutual contact of Laura and I is is is is Katie Carey, who is the the organizer and the creator of the book that we're in, Entangled No More. So I saw her post come up about the book, and um I've seen her posts come up often, as I'm sure, as I'm sure you have, Laura. You know, she comes up with all these opportunities, and I look at them and I think, oh, that's nice. And then I sort of, you know, carry on scrolling or get on with my life. But this one, um, the topic, what's the name of the topic? It's uh women break who broke free from toxic relationships who building an empire. And I was like, that is that is my jam, that is my thing, that is my story, that is my niche. Like, I need, I have something to say about this. I'd love to be a part of this. So contacted Katie, started writing my chapter, and in the process of writing my chapter on my abusive relationship, and basically the story I've just shared with you now, in that, in that process of writing that story, I realized I really wanted to work with survivors of domestic abuse. And that was where that was where I felt called to, which is why I've moved back to the UK, because I'm now volunteering and training with um an organization called Solace Women's Aid, doing the domestic violence mentoring. Uh, so that's now a new um aspect to my business, and I really want to work towards uh like group well-being facilitation in in maybe refuges or with um in some form with survivors of domestic violence. Because I believe there's a lot of healers and coaches out there that have been through trauma and think that because okay, I've gone through trauma, I've learned all these lessons, I want to give these lessons back. And that's such a beautiful thing. But without the correct training on how to deal with people's trauma, I think it can be a little dangerous. So I realized I didn't have as much training as I needed to work with the types of people that I want to work with. So that's why I'm doing the volunteering work and the training so that I can, you know, create safe space for these women and for anyone else who I come across in my business that um that you know has been through trauma, and so many of us have. Um so that's my that's my story. I hope it wasn't too long.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

It wasn't too long. Well, so this is so interesting to me because when you when you started out when you were young and you started out searching, you know, who am I, and went to, you know, went to the university, what were you studying?

SPEAKER_00 10:02

I was studying wildlife conservation because I absolutely loved nature. Nature was nature and the outdoors were the one place that I felt accepted, safe, not judged. I know there's that there's that thing about uh the frequency of our heart being at the same frequency as nature. So it it scientifically, you know, calms us, relaxes us. Um and it's just I just love everything about nature and animals. And at that point, I really didn't like people very much. I much preferred being around animals. Um, so that's what I was studying. And it was a very, very healing course, actually, learning about nature and being out in it a lot as well.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

So I yeah, I think that's really interesting. And I think there are probably a lot of us that maybe feel that way, like we love our dogs more than we love people, maybe. Or we love we love, you know, the animals so much. And but I feel like that was probably a good basis for you to then go forward and you know, I'm sure you still connect with nature and you still do all these things. Um, but also when you were after that and you were like, okay, well, who am I? And you know, who am I really? And and what am I here to do? What helped you to along that path to really find yourself and find what you wanted to do and who you were?

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Well, I think it's quite important to note that I I wasn't doing it overly consciously, right? So I think if you were to do something like that consciously, it would be a lot more profound. Um, and so the fact that it was that profound and that potent without even, you know, knowing I was doing it. It was just a case of I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what music I liked to listen to, I didn't know what clothes I liked to wear, I didn't know what food I liked to eat, uh because all my decisions had been made for me. And, you know, I was, you know, punished or whatever for making wrong choices. So choices became very difficult for me uh when I wasn't told because I was scared of the consequences, right? So um it was really a case of I'm just gonna try everything. I'm just gonna try everything on different foods, clothes, styles, music, behaviors, versions of myself. I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a good girl, I'm gonna be a rebel, I'm gonna listen to heavy metal, I'm gonna listen to punk and rock and and pop and folk music and see what I like. I'm gonna, you know, eat Indian food and burgers and like, you know, just just really try I just tried everything that I possibly could. Uh I made a lot of I made a lot of mistakes along the way. I made a lot of faux pas and um and you know some some bad choices, but I learned so many lessons from those choices, and they were my mistakes to make. So I was I was happy to have that, to have that freedom, you know, back uh and to try that. Um I think it also helped that so when I went to university, I I I I found a statistic that there was 40,000 students in my university town, and I was like, well, someone in those 40,000 people is gonna like me, right? 40,000 people, I've got to make one friend at least. And then I realized that, well, if I if I was like, you know, an inauthentic version of myself, then I would attract people that maybe weren't the right people. So I it was sort of this desperation to be authentic because I wanted to attract people that were, you know, gonna were gonna be really good friends and not just superficial people that we ended up drifting apart and falling out. And you know, my best friend to this day, who I'm I'm the maid of honor at her wedding next year, we had uh bedrooms opposite each other, our doors were opposite each other in our first year of of uni, and I met her on day one, and we instantly fell in love with each other because we were both weird and traumatized, and you know, we bonded over dark humour and um you know, and being a bit of a hot mess, really. Uh so I think the going back to your question, the answer really is um just trying it, trying everything out to really, to really learn who I was, so that you know, when when it came to someone being like, oh, do you want to do this or do you want to do that? I could, I could with full integrity be like, no, I don't like that, or no, that doesn't suit me, or no, you know, even just things like uh makeup or skincare products or shampoos and conditioners, like, you know, my body doesn't respond well to that, so I'm gonna buy this, or foods, diets, you know, I don't like to eat this kind of food because it makes me feel bloated or heavy, or this kind of food really, really energizes me and my my body loves this kind of food. So it helped me, you know, sort of give my body what it needed and wanted. I mean, don't get me wrong, this was years of of trial and error, you know, we're not just talking oh, a few weeks of figuring things out. This was a it was a long process, but it was was fun to try everything out and and and figure out who who I am.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

I there's so much about this that I love. First of all, when you're talking about like saying, you know, I don't, I didn't know myself, I didn't know what I liked, I didn't know what I like to eat or what clothes I liked. It reminds me of the movie Runaway Bride with Julie Roberts when when you know she's like uh when she's told, oh, you know, you like everything dependent on what man you're with. And she goes out and decides to try all the eggs and figures out, I don't like this, I don't like that, I don't like, and it's you know, especially, you know, kind of at a young age for you to to do that and to to go through things and to say, no, you know, what uh what do I like and what I don't like? And then to be able, this is something that I'm really passionate about, is kind of what I call personal policies, is like to be able to say, no, this is me. I don't like that, I do like that. I don't want it, like you said, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that, and you're maybe not going to be dragged along to something that just because everybody's going. No, I don't like doing that. I'm not gonna go. Um, but then there's also this level of um, you know, just learning all the things about yourself. I mean, for to really in and to accept and to want people, I think there's a really an a knowledge there for you to say, if I know who I am and if I'm being authentic, then I'll I'll magnetize people regard kind of regardless. People might, I mean, there's probably people that are gonna be like, oh no, she's too weird, quote unquote weird, right? Um but there's probably a lot of people who just embrace that and go, oh Bella, you know, that's who Bella is, and she's we love her, you know. Yeah, and I I think that that is such a great lesson for all of us to in, you know, to to brace that. Um and to because I I think so many of us all the time are want to go along or want to give in. And you know, who doesn't want to be liked? So you kind of go along and just say, Oh, yeah, sure, I'll go along with you to that. And you're having a miserable time. Well, guess what? When you're having a miserable time, nobody's gonna nobody's gonna want to be around you, right? No, I don't want to be around her. That wasn't fun, and it turns out it's because you didn't shouldn't have gone in the first place, you know. So I I love that. Um, and then um the other thing I want to talk about a bit. So you were, you know, doing your coaching and all the things, and when you decide, and you said you've been back and forth to Thailand between the UK and Thailand quite a bit, but what what made you decide to go to Thailand for, you know, I I and I I'm saying this because I again because of seeing some of your journey on social media where you were like, oh, I'm packed up, I'm going to Thailand. More recently, this recent visit.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

What what what made me go? Yeah, what spurred you to decide someone?

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Well, actually, I I had made the decision to go 18 months before I actually left, but the but then COVID happened, you know. So um I had I had been back in the UK maybe two, two or three years, and I decided I wanted to go back to Thailand. Um, and then COVID happened, so I was here an extra year and a half after that. So it was really just a waiting game for the um the entry process to Thailand was very strict. They weren't letting anyone in. And then it was a very expensive, lengthy quarantine process, and I was just keeping my eye on on that, and um uh and then it it suddenly became a lot easier and a lot cheaper. So I decided to make a break for it before everyone went back into lockdown or something. Um and yeah, I just fancied, I fancied a change of of pace, you know. Um, England, particularly London, as as you can imagine, any bit large city, you know, it's a very fast-paced lifestyle. And when I live in Thailand, I do spend a bit of time uh on the islands, but most of my time is actually spent uh in the far north in the mountains near the border of uh Myanmar. So um it's a very small town. There, there's no supermarkets, there's no, there's like a tiny hospital. You have to travel three hours for the nearest, you know, big hospital or good dentist or you know, supermarket or cinema or anything like that. So we're really nestled away in the mountains. It's so peaceful, it's so slow and quiet and reflective and healing and restorative. But after a while, sometimes I miss the hustle and bustle of the fast-paced London or UK life, which is why I like the the two and the balance. And it's part of what I discovered about myself throughout this, you know, self-discovery process was that I'm I'm definitely a nature girl, as we've discussed. I love being in the countryside, but I also, you know, have some quite high energy. I like to, I love to dance and to party and to rave, and I love festivals and I love all of that kind of stuff. And Thailand lacks a lot of that, um, particularly the music scene. There's there's far too much techno and trance over there and not enough um, you know, good music, in my opinion. Um, so I like I like having the mix because then it it gives me all of the opportunities to be all the versions of myself that I know I am and know I want to be. Um, so that's why I sort of flick back and forth and uh um why I wanted to go out in the in the in uh when I left, you know, a year or so ago to to spend that year there, it was just because I wanted I wanted some healing, some restoration, some quiet, um, and some and some nature, you know, waterfalls around every corner. Who can't who can argue with that?

SPEAKER_02 21:38

Oh my goodness, it sounds amazing and just yeah, definitely restorative. And I find that for myself, where um when I've been around people a lot, I like to just have my quiet time and just re-rejuvenate and rejuvenate my energy. And it sounds like to me that that's a lot what you get there. But then when you are in the UK and in in London in London, then you're able to do all the fun, you know, not that Thailand doesn't sound like fun, it just sounds like fun in a different way, but you're able to embrace the other side of you and um the people y, the peoply side of you and the the fun part of you. Um so when let's talk about. So after you decided, you saw the you saw the offer that Katie was putting out. for to be to have a chapter in her book. Um and you you decided, hey, this is for me. I want to write about my experience and breaking free of toxic relate the toxic relationship. What how did that? I mean you said it's it that's what spurred you to come back and realize what you wanted, but do you did you just like what what happened?

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Did was there something that happened or do you just kind of realized hey I'd really like to help people who've experienced somewhat whatever I have so I just spent about two or three months on the island of Copanyang. And the island of Copanyang is a really really crazy intense place to be. First of all it's built on like a bed of quartz crystal. So as you can imagine everyone's energy is like and it also attracts a lot of people who need healing. It attracts a lot of people who need healing and who are healers but also who need healing. And there's a lot of unsafe healing practices that go on on that island. A lot of unsafe tantra a lot of unsafe sexual healing a lot of just a lot is what I spoke about earlier about a number of people who have experienced trauma who have healed themselves and would like to give these gifts back to the world but have no real um you know safe practice experience themselves of how to they they can open people's trauma up but they don't know how to deal with it themselves. And this was really eye-opening for me and it made me you know it it made me look at my own practice in my own business and think where where am I doing this? How am I doing this? Am I doing this? How could I do this better? Because although I don't advertise myself as a trauma coach of any sort when you're working with people who need to love themselves more it's obviously attracting people who have low self-worth and often that comes from some degree of trauma. So it was a real mirror to my own practice to go, okay, how can I do better? So I was already in a place of thinking okay I need to do something within my own continued professional development to make sure that I am you know carrying out safe practice and that I'm being the best coach I can for my clients. And I don't think you know that we should just do one coaching certificate and maybe just one Reiki healing or something and then never do another training. I also don't believe that we should get all addicted to our qualifications like so many of us have done. But there is a there's a level of care that I think we all need to uphold within you know the coaching healing therapeutic industry. And this was so this was eye-opening to me. I was I was a bit of a place where I was like okay my business needs another evolution to it uh where where are we going to up level to where are we going to go with this? So I'd actually decided to take a a a small step back from my business not not to stop it completely but I wanted to let a bunch of things go to create the space to see what else wanted to come in. So this was a Sunday I'd made this decision on the Sunday and Katie's post was on the Monday. I saw the post on the Monday and I was like okay this is what wants to come in right this wants to come into my world I was also looking at alternative ways to of marketing than just being on social media all the time because social media doesn't feel good to me. It's a bit draining it's a bit heavy so I like to find alternative networking ways or being on podcasts and writing books and things because being glued to social media is not it's not an integrity for me. So um so I was looking for alternative methods anyway. So this popped up on my newsfeed instantly it hit me in a place of like this is this is right this is aligned. And I knew because I'd let I'd made that space energetically in the business the day before I was expecting it to take about three months. That's what I'd given it I was like I was surrender and release for three months and then the next day I was back on it like I know exactly what I need to do. It was it was incredible. So then then the process of writing the story obviously revisiting my own story uh there there were several drafts to my chapter. So the first chapter the first draft was just for me and it had a lot more of the gory details and um it was a lot less articulate in the way it was written because it was just a it was um it was a heart dump you know it was me dumping my heart out onto onto the screen onto the paper and working through this story in my head to see how it all fit together and how the story could benefit the reader because I believe that it's that there's only a point to the gory details if it's actually explaining something and giving some kind of wisdom or insight. I don't you know I don't think there's any need for us to all you know just bear our the ins and outs and the details of our traumas if as if it's for no benefit to the reader themselves. So a lot of the details came out and a lot of the insights uh replaced you know those details and um I just realized the the the the juicy goodness in this in this journey that I'd been through and um and these pillars that I'd learnt. So there's these pillars I use um on the sort of journey to self-mastery which is I call them my calm pillars K-A-L M. The K stands for know yourself the A stands for accept yourself the L stands for love yourself and then the M stands for master yourself. And I don't I believe that you cannot master yourself until you love yourself. You cannot love yourself until you accept yourself and you cannot accept yourself until you know yourself. So I realized these these were the stepping stones that I'd taken on my journey and I think a real um you know juicy wise guide points guideposts stepping stones to help people get to that place of self of self-mastery I don't know if you're familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs or if um if any anyone listening to this is familiar but it's basically a triangle representing the needs of of humans and at the bottom we've got the the physiological needs of food water shelter sleep things like that and then as we go up to the top the top is self-actualization and that is everything that us we in the spiritual community are trying to do you know this this enlightenment this healing all of this this this process it's the self-mastery but a lot of people try to go straight up there without doing the steps beforehand and then wonder why they're hitting a brick wall and it's like well there's a bit of work to do before you can actually get to the self-actualization and the self-mastery and the enlightenment and and all of that stuff. So if you go straight into that level you will you will be disappointed um and you'll just you'll fail and then you'll be disappointed in yourself and wonder what's wrong with you. So doing doing the work beforehand I think is um is a necessary um secret that a lot of that a lot of people a step that a lot of people seem to miss I think I think I missed it uh uh um it at parts of my journey and then had to retrace my steps well and that's the beauty of it right like you can if you if you do like aim too high you can always go back and and fix it but yeah I love that because it's almost sounds like to me like standing at the bottom of the stairs and thinking you're gonna leap just like magically leap to the top of you know I'll get up there I'll get to the landing no you're not gonna get there you really have to go step by step it's not gonna work but I also am so just I I love the synchronicity of you making a decision and we hear this a lot when when people say well let me let go of this like I mean there are some people who want to just hang on and hang on.

SPEAKER_02 31:08

It's not really working but I'm not ready to let it go yet you know and then there's this like here's here here you are saying you know what it isn't you know I I am making space for something to come in and then the synchronicity of boom here you are oh good for you Bella here you are thanks for you know thanks for acknowledging it and um and then I also want to go back to the you you know talking about writing your chapter in the book because there is this level of yeah we're we're writing at least I I you know the intention for for us is to write our chapters to inspire others so that they see our stories and our stories hopefully help others to maybe see that hey you're not alone or you know whatever it is whatever the message that they are able to take from it but there is such a journey um especially writing about these things for for each of us as well and you know I know I I you know asked my husband we you know we just went through the the little roller coaster of emotions you know just just getting to where we are and the book's not out yet so I I love the you know your heart dump and just like get it all out get and yeah we don't we don't all have to hear you know all your all your details of what you experienced but you know the but yeah to be able to reframe those and turn those into the lessons the important things to get out in the world but there's a healing level for you of of revisiting it somehow and and writing it and and just really writing out all the stuff. And I to me I feel like I've done this not in a book per se but I've done it just as exercises along my way where you you know you are you're just like it there's a level of releasing that to the page somehow and you know so with some of the things that I wrote it not only did it get released to the page but it got released to the fire and to the universe outside.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

So there is such a healing part of that that is you know it's incredible and and that's sort of the the the behind the scenes of writing in Entangled No More, you know, at least for the two of us is that yeah this quite the healing journey or maybe more you know aha moments for us light bulb moments for those of us who wrote our um chapters and maybe a stepping either you know like a stepping stone like it was for you to a new path of you know and realizing I love that you realize that okay well if I really want to help people with domestic violence you know help let let me find out let me get a little more training under my belt and know you know and and maybe I'll ask you was that was there some value in that even for yourself of realizing okay yeah I can apply that to myself some of the things that you're learning in in dealing with people with domestic violence to be able to help them I think perspective has definitely helped in terms of realizing just how far I've come you know just just not just how far I've come but also the gifts that have turned up in my life because of that tragedy you know because of that trauma and I by no means you know wish trauma on anyone but I do believe that a lot of trauma leave you know leaves I think there's a I wrote something in the chapter about a lot of trauma leaves gifts in the wake of the tragedy. And there are some traumas that leave no gifts behind. I'm I'm not saying that they there will be always a silver lining but there there are a lot of um you know gifts that that have come for me in my journey from that and I'm looking forward to you know to be able to give them back. And it's also just realizing yeah just realizing how far I've come how strong I am uh how much as women we have you know had to go through in history because part of the training was to look at the timeline of women's rights and um the rise of feminism and all of these things and learning some of the statistics about uh around domestic violence and some of these like I think one of the ones that stands out was learning that it wasn't until 1994 that um uh rape became illegal within marriage so before 1994 you could completely do whatever as a man you could do whatever you wanted with your wife and she had no say over it you were you were literally his property uh 1994 I mean that's like that's not even I mean that's 28 years ago or something like it's ridiculous. Um and I think there was another fact about um I can't remember it's something to do with female genital mutilation uh only becoming illegal um uh very recently as well which is also ridiculous. So I've learned a lot of horrifying facts about you know just just how much we've had to endure as women and um I know that you know there are many minorities that have had to uh you know withstand a lot as well and the the the women that this charity work with we work we only work with women with multiple disadvantages so to to we basically catch all the women that fall through the other charity nets so we uh we work with women who have physical disabilities mental disability disabilities who have insecure immigration status um homelessness uh substance and alcohol misuse children in care um all these all these kinds of disadvantages that just mean that you know no one else will help you know you and you you know you are really we work with a lot of people who've been through uh uh trafficking and prostitution and um yeah all sorts so it's really put my experience into perspective also to remember that it's not it there's not a hierarchy of experience you know just because um someone has been through a lot worse than you does not invalidate your experience and you know there's no there's no competition there's no hierarchy um but it does help put put my experience into perspective for sure and yeah that is I mean um incredible work that you're doing and I and yeah you kind of I love that you you said that that there's no hierarchy that it's not like it's not it's not a competition you know well I experienced this yeah well I experienced this this this and this you know you are just helping everyone that you can that have multiple is you know things and that it probably is the case I'm not really very well knowledgeable at all about you know these the the charities that can help women um but I would imagine there are more select things well if you have experienced this go here if you have experience you know it's almost like in my mind I'm seeing like get in this line okay if you've experienced this get in this line you know but okay if you've experienced multiple things come to us you know and that's just really amazing work um that you're doing so um I think I I don't I can't think of anything else and I have questions for you is there anything else that you'd like to share with um with our listeners today yeah I think there was there was a couple of bits that I just wanted to touch on in terms of um with the we because we were talking about the the surrendering and the releasing of my business and how powerful a shift happened for me. And I do just want to let let people listening know that that when things those things like that don't happen to me all the time right it's not like you know every day I'm like I'm just gonna surrender this thing and then magic happens right it takes it takes work it takes effort it's not it's not just like these things happen all the time and if they're not happening to you that you're you know that you're broken or you're not magical enough or that you're not doing it right. But this time I'd I'd I fully my all my energy had released it. I hadn't just said I'm just gonna release it like I'd completely and utterly energetically released it to the point where I was I was happy to not to do the bare minimum in my business for three whole months and to just deal with my current clients to not try and get any more to not be on social media to not do anything to just completely release it. I I'd energetically wholeheartedly done it and that's why the magic happened right I've tried to do this before and I and it didn't work because it wasn't a wholehearted one. So I don't want uh and I've sat there before listening to people talk about surrender and release and manifestation and I roll my eyes and I'm like screw you this shit doesn't work for me like and so I know it can be really annoying and frustrating to hear people talk about the easy manifestation that they do and this is I just wanted to touch on that and I also wanted to touch on um like self-love is it's not easy right it's not like it's not just like taking a bubble bath with some roses and some candles and saying I am enough in the mirror to yourself. It's not these you know sexy women on Instagram you know with their I am enough post-its and things like that. That's not what self-love is it's messy it's it's like it's it's getting out of bed in the morning even though you hate your life and you don't want to you're loving yourself enough to get up right so there is so many different forms of self-love it's different for everyone and when I if someone had tried to talk to me about self-love when I was in the middle of my darkness you know sort of like 10-15 years ago I would have told them to F off and I would have been like your self-love means nothing here. I don't like I don't come to me with this. So if you're in that place you know and you are in a really dark place and you can't even imagine loving yourself just start off with getting to know yourself. Start off with making some choices experimenting and also making maybe make a a commitment to yourself that you want to love yourself. Because you you know you can say to yourself I love myself I love myself as an affirmation and then your inner critic is going that's bullshit that's bullshit that's bullshit you don't love yourself. You don't want to have that battle going on but you're less likely to have that battle by saying I want to love myself I really really want to love myself I'm open and available to love myself. I really want this for myself in my life even though I don't feel it now I want to be able to love myself you can start off with that kind of a place and then it will be easier and the inner critic won't start going this is BS you don't love yourself you're not enough you're not good enough you're a piece of shit you want to avoid that so then you go to the to the to the step beforehand which is the I want to feel like I'm enough I want to feel good enough because that's probably more true and will yeah I just wanted to leave that kind of piece of piece of you know little insight there for anyone who really really struggles with this stuff and is not ready to dive headfirst into you know all of the self-love and manifestation and all of that stuff. So yeah that was my last little bit.

SPEAKER_02 43:17

These are really important points because um everybody's journey is different. So when you're when you are working towards something that you're trying to create in your life so that to the first point you were talking about as far as manifesting and um yeah it the magic might not happen in that way it the way that it did for you and and you have more experience with this and you know and and you did like really this is the point it I agree you know that is that you have to really embrace it all like you did. But you know there's things that I have created or manifested in my life and it's been well do you want this one no that's not quite a fit. Oh but I really love this one. Yeah but that's not really you know so there's sometimes it's trying it on and it's not a fit trying it on and it's not a fit and maybe there's some frustration around it until you really do find and the one that is going to be the fit like I'm thinking for me I'm I'm referring to like I have an art studio and I made offers On well, four three buildings, but I started with the one that I currently have and it didn't work out. And so we're like, okay, that's not working out. What else is available? Like, okay, let me see the dessert plate tray, right? And it's like, no, I don't want so. Then I made an offer on another building. And it was, nope, that one's not going to work out either. And I loved that building. I love, love, loved it. And it broke it. I don't want to say it broke my heart, but it little, little bit of a broken, broken piece because I thought I could vision it, I could envision it, I could see it. I loved it. And it didn't work out. Uh tried one more building and that didn't work out either. So then you're like, okay, well, what where where are we at? Where what what's out there again? What's out there? Like, show me the dessert tray again, right? And it's like, okay, well, let's try this first building again. And I was really resistant to that. I was like, no, we tried that, it didn't work. And my husband was the one that said, well, let's think about this. What if we do this and this, you know, maybe we can, you know, make some changes here and there with it. And I was like, okay. Um, but at that time too, part of what didn't work the first time was we couldn't come to an agreement with the sellers. Like, we're not going to buy the building if you can't buy. Yeah. So here we are. And it did work this the the last time. It did work. It's the building we ended up with. It's where my studio is. And now, hindsight, of course, it really is the best building for me. And when I drive by the one that broke my heart, I'm like, no, you know what? I can see why that wasn't quite the right fit for me. I'm I'm I can see why I'm better where I am now. So yeah, we don't always like obviously the we don't get maybe the the big, you know, rainbow at the end and the the you know clouds don't open up and the uh aha, you know, like here it is, you know, the path doesn't always go that way. Um, it's awesome when it does. Um, and I also to your, you know, to your second point of self-love is that again, everybody's, you know, journey is different with that. And it it, you know, it can be a real struggle. And like for my experience as well, when you know, if somebody says, you know, stand in the mirror and just tell yourself you, you know, I love you. And you're like, no, yeah, I can say that all day, but it what good is it? So I love what you said about, okay, well, at least I want to, I want to try to. And you know, so I love these points that you made. They're so valuable. And again, everybody's journey is different. Um, it's easy, you know, it's it's it's one thing to sit here having made, like you said, to have made the journey and to be where you are, but this took years. And we're regardless, we're all still evolving. So it's you know, every day is not gonna again be magical and the rainbows aren't necessarily gonna shine on our house every day. So I love that you said that, but you know, to to at least and also to honor like the days when you do, like, okay, I feel like crap today. Okay, good for, you know, okay, you feel like crap today. Yeah, don't just put that aside, you know, feel it. If if that's what you need to feel today, feel it. Don't just say, no, I can't, I can't feel crappy today, I can't feel sad today. No, you can. Every day, again, isn't magical. So it we're all evolving and it's all a journey. And I think those are such valuable points that you made, um, really important um points. And, you know, we're all still trying every day to do what we do.

SPEAKER_00 48:41

It's a continual journey, you know. Healing is a continual journey, self-love is a continual journey, you know, personal development is a continual journey. You don't, you know, you don't just get to a point where like I love myself, so now I can just stop, you know, or I'm healed, so now I can just stop, you know. Let's be productive instead of reactive about these things and just weave them into your your you know your everyday life for the rest of your life and make it a commitment to yourself. And you know, if if some days you, you know, you fall off the path and you forget for several days or weeks or months, don't be afraid to to get back up and and try again and to keep going.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

Oh, it's beautiful. And this is also part of why um why this podcast is a funny thing happened on the way to my life, because you sometimes we go sideways and let's you know, let's deal with it when we do and try to do, you know, how do we deal with it? And um yeah, sometimes things don't go the way we we think they're gonna go. And those are the funny things that happen, and um how do we work through them? And so yeah, beautiful. Um thank you so much for all your wisdom today and for joining joining me. I love your story. Um, I love your insights. Um, just beautiful. I love the work that you're doing. Thank you for that. And thanks for joining me today.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

And then also, I obviously want to thank our listeners for joining us.